Author, Coach, Educator, & Realtor

Archive for the ‘Thankful’ Category

Who Is Great In Your Life

We all need to look at those around us and decide who is good for you and who is not.

People you need in your life:

Positive Reinforcers

Those that give you guidance and direction and you trust their honesty

Those that know you and still love you

Those that will come to the hospital to be your advocate

Those that tell others your talents

Those that keep in touch because they value the relationship even when you’re not good at communicating

Those that don’t tell your secrets because you needed an ear to talk to

Those that believe you can accomplish your passions and help you recognize what they are

Those that are cheerleaders for you in every way

Those who would stand up for you in a discussion because they trust you and want others to know your talents and character

Top 10 “Bad” people for you:

Those that put their own needs above anyone else’s

Those that need to have the credit for whatever accomplishment there is

Those that talk behind your back but not to your face

Those that have no ability to consider others feelings

Those that make excuses

Those that put money above all else

Those that use misinformation or any information as a stepping stone to power over others

Those that don’t know the meanings of “trust” or “loyalty”

Those that use negative comments and innuendo to gain alliance and influence

Those that have ulterior motives


I bet you wouldn’t have guessed !

Recently I heard (or read) the same statement made by three different reliable sources but I was still surprised.

It seems that for every negative thing that is said or done to you it takes five positive things to balance it out! Not one, not two — but five!

That’s a lot to ask.

Apparently it has to do with our brains and how they work. The book “How We Decide” by Jonah Lehrer was one of the sources of my revelation. It says, “Loss aversion is an innate flaw. It’s part of a larger psychological phenomenon known as negativity bias, which means that for the human mind, bad is stronger than good. This is why in marital interaction it generally takes at least five kind comments to compensate for one critical comment. ………The only way to avoid loss aversion is to know about the concept.”

So what are we do to? This will definitely take a group effort. Since we can’t give ourselves the positive comments in this particular situation we will have to form teams.

I need to form team “Joy“. Just like in kickball we get to pick our players; so I’ll choose my true friends, the family members who like me, the associates who respect me, the acquaintances who don’t know any better, my nailtech, my hairdresser and maybe anyone else I pay because they “should” be nice to me.

Team “Joy” gets points by saying five nice things to me each time I interact with them  in person, in writing or on the phone.  Then I must do the same. The game is won when we are all blissfully walking around and performing to our highest potential in all that we undertake; and no negative comment can undermine our day or our feeling of well-being. (Did I mention they have to be sincere compliments?).

This game however is never-ending. It is a constant give and take (give praise – take praise).

Team Joy also needs to recruit constantly and there is no limit to the number or value of the players we can amass for our team. (Unlike some professional football teams.)

We recruit by complimenting others and one by one we pick up players who are dedicated to winning. Daily they are being a positive force for Joy and recruiting others to join us. They can even be members of as many teams as they choose as long as they are active in all of them and following our basic goal of complimenting as many people as we can in a day, month, year — all while warding off our natural “negativity bias”.

Mission accomplished. We have enough good to outweigh the bad!

Have fun playing — you are welcome on Team Joy anytime!

‘Tis The Season To Be Jolly (Joyful, Optimistic, Loving, Laughing, for Yourself)

Santa only chose the Jolly Reindeer to dance with - which ones are they ?

 If you ask enough people this time of year 2 out of 3 will answer the question, “How’s it going?” with, “I have so much to do.”

It’s pretty evident to most women in particular what they are talking about – preparations.

No matter what your family does or doesn’t do to celebrate the season there is some date that you are looking at right now that is a deadline for all your preparations. You have things you want to accomplish before that date to help make it an experience for all to enjoy. And – you may even feel it is your responsibility to ensure everyone’s good time.

Tough to be Jolly with so little time and so much to do.

But without Jolly the main person you are responsible for will probably miss out on the good time — YOU.

Take a deep breath (I learned this from Yoga for Dummies). Look at the face of a child on the street or in your family and see their innate joy. Now practice Joyful. Jump up and down. Do the jitterbug. Dance to “twist and shout”. Say a prayer of thanks. Sing while you bake. Make a mess while cooking with the kids or your friend. Talk on the phone to someone you haven’t seen while you’re wrapping presents. Meet someone for lunch while you’re out shopping. (You get the picture.)

Be Optimistic. It truly is the thought that counts. The people who love and appreciate you will love whatever preparations you have made (no matter what you think you haven’t gotten to). Planning can be endless but deadlines aren’t. What gets done gets done and what doesn’t goes on for the next planning. This is great because there can always be new things to look forward to in life. Give yourself a deadline to stop and appreciate all you have done and all that you have to look forward to. Know that tomorrow will always bring new experiences and new goals to look forward to as well.

Be Loving to those around you, the ones you know and the ones you don’t. Hold hands with a family member or partner while you shop. When you see someone struggling lend a hand. When you perceive tension from someone else, smile in their direction. When you see sorrow realize we all have burdens and be grateful for the ones you have as opposed to what others might be suffering through. Do what you can for others and know it is appreciated.

Laugh a lot! Find the humor in the situation. Help others to find humor and use it to release tension and stress. Make playing games part of your planning. Bring people together in fun and you will have succeeded in bringing  them joy, providing lasting memories, and creating  great relationships for those around you.

Never forget Yourself. In making all your preparations be kind and loving to yourself. You are an amazing person who needs to be recognized as your own best friend. A really smart person once told me when you have a decision to make ask yourself what advise you would give to your best friend in the same situation. Then take that advise and use it. Appreciate yourself and listen to what your mind and heart tell you that you need. Then follow through.

Now that you have the tools to be Jolly, start right away and have a joyous, optimistic, lovinglaughing holiday for yourself.

Ho Ho Ho Happy Holidays, Kate

I am thankful for the American taxpayer.


How many times over the years have you heard a politician use this statement with regards to Federal Income Tax debates?

I have my own political opinions on all the “issues” but I’m not discussing what I think should or should not happen. What I AM concerned about is using misrepresentations to give an impression to the American public that: a) something is not currently happening and b) it is said to incite people who take the statement at face value.

Our tax structure has been the same for at least as long as I have been around. Taxes are based on your total income individually or married. You must count not only wages but interest earned, dividends, etc. etc. etc. Meaning all forms of “making money” count.

We pay a percentage of those earnings. As the income rises so does the percentage. The current percentages range from 0 to 10% for the lowest paying taxpayer to 35% for the highest earning tax payer just for the Federal Government.

Doesn’t this already mean that the more you make the more you pay? AND doesn’t this mean that not only is 10% of a higher income mean you pay more dollars (10% of $10 is $1 — 10% of $100 is $10) but on top of that you don’t just pay 10% you can get as high as 35% (35% of $100 is $35) if you reach the top levels of income?

The meaning of the word “fair” which has been used since before the 12th Century is “equitable, impartial”. Aren’t we already asking those who make more to pay more which isn’t “fair” but “accepted” in order to assist those who are less able to pay.

The increased revenue to the government is and has been needed to support our Federal  Programs and National Safety. We should be grateful higher paid Americans do pay proportionately more in taxes, not accuse them of taking advantage of the system or tax dodging.

Why don’t we hear; ” We are asking those who make more in our Country to pay more for the benefit of all, and we appreciate their sacrifices in doing so”.

Wouldn’t that be a “fair” statement?

We are also used to hearing about “loopholes” the wealthy can take advantage of in preparing and paying their taxes. These loopholes per se were put in place when there were specific needs our society had, and we encouraged those with money to spend it in the endeavors we needed. These deductions are continually in flux. They come and go. And not being a tax attorney I would venture to say they are almost extinct at the current time since you don’t see a run on Hummers right now.

Let’s be “fair” and appreciate our fellow Americans for what they do contribute – not what we think they don’t.

Let’s solve our financial problems with integrity not alienation.

I for one am thankful for the citizens who are able to support our country with their tax dollars in this economic climate to whatever extent they can.

Best Regards,